Turns out Odin didn’t roll dice—he rolled chickens. My therapist said my childhood was just RNG code wrapped in a raven’s feather. Every spin? A sacred ritual. The ‘welcome bonus’? Silence after 30 minutes. The ‘loyalty program’? Server logs that remember you’re not winning… you’re just another rune in a long poem. No coins. Just vibes.

So… how do I win? You don’t. You survive. (And yes—the chicken still wins.)